Tuesday, November 27, 2007

It's a Mad World

My boss's father died this morning. I was again told - by his wife, now widow - that I was a ray of sunshine in his life. Every time I came in it just made him smile. I didn't know him very well but the impact it is having on my boss breaks my heart. And his, I know. I left their condo today thinking that one day that could be my family. Myself a new widow, my family gathering around to mourn the passing of my husband. If I am starting into my 80s, well that's a bittersweet thought....more bitter than sweet right now.

My boss is like the older brother I always wanted. And the older brother I never wanted. 12 years my senior and it only took a few months for us to fall into the easy relationship that siblings who work together have. Good natured ribbing and a fair amount of bickering. It's odd - despite everything I have never seen the inside of a therapists office, nor have I ever found the need for any kind of mood stabilizer...and he's on more than I can count. His mother said that of all her sons he is the most fragile and I think she's right. And by now I know how to deal with fragile - unlike before when my response was pure self-preservation - nothing but fight or flight. I am, however, leery of how he'll react. He has just lost his father.

I reacted by forcing myself to the gym, where I lasted 20 minutes and then threw in the towel. The How To Climb Like A Girl lessons have stuck with me. The finger-skin and muscles have not. Thursday evenings are still mostly member nights, so I'm going to force my way in then and see what I can do.

Unrelated news, but still resonating oddly with me: the psycho roommate has gotten married. I know this because I spy. It adds a new dimension to things and once I've digested it I'll be less weirded out. It could make an interesting twist for the villainy...a married villain? Does that happen?

At any rate, this is my mood today, please have some:

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