Friday, March 13, 2009

My Yesterday, in which I showered with my cats

So I'm instant messaging with my sister yesterday:

4:47 PM i just showered with my cats.

There's more chatting about kittens a friend of ours is in possession of and then:

5:14 PM it just occurred to me that you showered with your cats!?!?!?!?!

Yes. And my only regret is that there are no photos. She got the condensed story as to why, so I'll switch over to a chat I had later with another friend, who got the story in detail. I will, of course sanitize my language a bit. (Although why, I'm not really sure. If you want a culprit just know that I'm re-reading Catcher in the Rye and Salinger has a mouth like a sailor.) Oh, and my friend is referred to as "Female" on my chat program. It's a short, boring story for another time.

Oh, and one more thing: Polly weighs in at 12 lbs and Kipper at 17lbs.

9:38 PM Female: sorry, had an emergency "there is bunny poop on my hands" emergency...
me: yikes!
so we've both been made poopy by pets today :-D
Female: lol soap and water
9:39 PM hahaha what the @#$% happened to you and the whole poop thing?!?!?!?
me: you didn't want to shower with your bunny?
Female: yeahhhhhh no.
9:41 PM me: so for the first time in their entire lives the cats did not use their litter boxes. They had crate angst. Kipper peed in the crate on the way to the vet, which was embarrassing (ish) enough - mostly for him. And then I had to leave them because of their paperwork [ed: in case you've missed it, we moved from Dallas to San Jose...apparently the cat's paperwork didn't make the trip, despite requests for it] and then he pooped in his kennel (not uncommon and he was there for hours and hours) and backed into it so it was on his back paws.
Female: oh gross!!!
9:42 PM me: Well he has kennel rage. Like Dr. Jekyll/ Mr @#$hole kind of kennel rage and so when I get there they asked me to get them out of their kennels, which I did no problem. Kipper's claw was bleeding where he'd caught it trying to dig out of the kennel. Polly was in the back hissing at anyone who wasn't me.
it gets better
Female: lol!!
me: so I get Kipper and we sit on the floor and the vet comes over and treats his paw - minor wound, he puts silver nitrate on it and it stops bleeding and we're all good.
he goes in the crate. [ed: Vet assures me that from now on the cats will be anesthetized. I'm all "Duh. Told you." But more respectfully, of course]
Female: and drn?
9:43 PM den?
9:44 PM me: I pull out Polly, who is still angry but lets me pull her. And her little paws are all sweaty and she does NOT want to go into the crate with poopy Kipper. Not that I blame her in the least. But I put them in one crate because they calm each other in the car.
Female: poor polly
me: on the way back I'm halfway home - with the windows open on the highway which I never do but EGADS THE SMELL - and then suddenly there's no crying
and then there's more crying
and then WHAT THE @#$% DID YOU @#$% AGAIN?
Female: holy!
me: and yes.
9:45 PM omg!!!!! Hahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!
me: I didn't realize that I was right until we were in the back bathroom and I was closing the crate so they wouldn't get back into it and track it around - this was not a solid poop and kipper has slid in it while he was freaking out about Polly (I assume) pooping and so it's all over the crate and all over his hind legs.
so I turn on the shower. Grab her by the scruff, pull the door open a bit and toss her in.
9:46 PM Howling like you've never heard. Like the water is acid or something.
Female: ohhh myyyyyy gaaawwwwd
me: grab him by the scruff, slide the door open and push him into her face so she won't get out. But she does.
Female: oh @#$%!
me: push him in, slide door closed (I'm naked this whole time, btw)
Female: WET @#$%!
sounds like something i'd do
me: grab her by the scruff, and we body block Kipper from getting out while we get in
9:47 PM I'm sliding around on my @#$ trying to keep them in and get the door closed and not get scalded by the water which has suddenly become very hot.
Female: oh crap!
me: I adjust the water (blocked them with my body until it was decent) and pull off the shower head, which is on one of those hoses.
Female: thank GOD!
9:48 PM me: then I just chased them around with it while they crawled up the door, the walls, my leg (Polly) and every now and again I'd reach down and hold up Kipper's tail and just spray him in the @#$ until he managed to get away from me.
Female: HAHAHAHAHAAA I have so done the @#$ spray
me: when I was satisfied they were clean I gave them one more spray, held the door closed with my heel because Polly has figured out how to open it, and washed my ENTIRE BODY with my Burt's Bees face soap because it has witch hazel in it.
9:49 PM Female: omg
me: then I wrapped them in towels and dried them as much as they'd let me and then I set them free and I sprayed bleach EVERYWHERE.
The crate is still outside.
Female: did you come out unscathed?
me: I did,
Female: WOW!
me: mostly I just wish I'd had my camera.
Female: thats amazing
me: they hate me

Like I said before. I just wish I'd had my camera.

This picture was taken last month. It's the most recent picture I have of them.

Happy Friday!

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